so here’s the other problem w\/ my friends having babies. i cant stand babies. no really. i am just so not down. they look really weird, like little alien creatures and are constantly projecting bodily fluids everywhere. unfortunately, this poses a huge problem when i go see people that have babies. see, there is no easy way (in fact no way at all) to tell someone that you find their kid gross. it just cant be done. no matter what, when dealing with parents you have to ogle their child like it’s god’s gift to mankind. and that’s really difficult for me to do. so, the parents show off their child to me and i pretend to be all excited about it and say how adorable it is blah blah blah… when really i just want to talk about anything else. <\/p>\n
oh, and then, often they’ll try to get me to hold it. even after i tell them that i wont do it, they often try to insist and it takes a lot of persuasion on my part to get them to stop. the thing is, other than fear of being pooped on, spit on, or god knows what else, i’m also totally terrified of dropping the baby. i mean, shit, i drop stuff all the time… cups, phones, keys, whatever…. and luckily with all those things you can either buy a new one or just fix it. now, if i somehow managed to drop someone’s *baby*, somehow i dont think that it would go over very well. actually, i really wonder if that ever happens. i mean, people drop things. it’s a fact. people trip, fall, and drop things all the damn time. do people ever drop babies?? how often does this happen? would a baby survive this kind of disaster?<\/p>\n
i dunno. i’m sure some day i’ll have one of my own, and i’ll finally understand what all the hype is about… but until then i’ll just have to keep smiling and keep my thoughts to myself.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
so here’s the other problem w\/ my friends having babies. i cant stand babies. no really. i am just so not down. they look really weird, like little alien creatures and are constantly projecting bodily fluids everywhere. unfortunately, this poses a huge problem when i go see people that have babies. see, there is no … Continue reading “babies part 2”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-24","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-san-francisco"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.thisisvlad.com\/werd\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/24","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.thisisvlad.com\/werd\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.thisisvlad.com\/werd\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.thisisvlad.com\/werd\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.thisisvlad.com\/werd\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=24"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/www.thisisvlad.com\/werd\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/24\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.thisisvlad.com\/werd\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=24"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.thisisvlad.com\/werd\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=24"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.thisisvlad.com\/werd\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=24"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}