{"id":726,"date":"2006-03-29T17:29:54","date_gmt":"2006-03-30T00:29:54","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.thisisvlad.com\/werd\/archives\/2006\/03\/29\/the-cat-whisperer\/index.php"},"modified":"2006-03-29T17:29:54","modified_gmt":"2006-03-30T00:29:54","slug":"the-cat-whisperer","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.thisisvlad.com\/werd\/archives\/2006\/03\/29\/the-cat-whisperer\/index.php","title":{"rendered":"The Cat Whisperer"},"content":{"rendered":"

Last week I wrote about how Dan was going to have his kitty talked to by a kitty psychic<\/a>. The appointment was scheduled for a Tuesday evening, and that night we sat there eagerly waiting to see what the hell would happen. Dan set up this crazy microphone contraption so that he could record the whole thing on his laptop. Dan\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s cat lazily lounged around in the living room, completely unaware that tonight it would be having its very first telephone conversation. <\/p>\n

Eventually the psychic called. She asked Dan to describe his cat to her, and tell her what it looked like, how old it was, etc etc. now, you would think that a super powerful psychic would be able to figure this kind of stuff out on her own, but whatever. After discussing what issues the cat was having (it poops outside the box and also chews up all the electrical wires inside the house), the psychic said that we could now hang up the phone. She was going to contact the cat psychically and have a conversation with it. She would write down the conversation as it happened, and then call us back and tell us what was talked about. Wow. I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t know what I thought would be more weird\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6 if she talked with the cat on the phone, or if she just somehow communicated without a phone or anything.<\/p>\n

So, we hung up the phone and waited. The cat ran around the house and played as it usually did. If it was having a conversation with someone, it sure didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t show it. Meanwhile, somewhere in Oakland, the kitty psychic was probably frantically scribbling in her notepad\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6 or who knows, maybe she was kicking back and watching Animal planet on TV while scarfing granola. This whole situation was just so absolutely ridiculous.<\/p>\n

Finally, the phone rang. Kitty psychic was done with her conversation. So, apparently, when asked why she poops in the box, the cat replied that it was because she sometimes gets a cramp and has difficulty climbing in the box. Now, this is utterly bullshit. It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s not like this is some old unfit cat. This cat races around the house frantically at a billion miles per hour all day long. There\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s no way this cat would have difficulty climbing a few inches into a cat box. The kitty psychic continued reading off her conversation with the cat. <\/p>\n

Dude, it was so hysterically funny. Dan, Caryn and I desperately tried to keep from laughing like crazy during the whole thing. The psychic would describe the cat as giving her \u00e2\u20ac\u0153surprised wide-eyed looks\u00e2\u20ac\u009d and feeling bad for pooping in Dan\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s house. Apparently the kitty was sorry for pooping outside the box and it promised that it would try to not do tit again. As for the wires, the cat claimed that it chews them because its teeth hurt it and it needs to chew on something. Well, the psychic told it that it shouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t chew the wires anymore and the cat said it would stop. The cat was then asked what it wanted from Dan, to which it said that it wants sunshine, fresh air, rides on shoulders, fresh water, and naps in laps.<\/p>\n

And that was pretty much it. The psychic then discussed with Dan some options that he might look into like taking the cat to the vet etc. the whole thing was just so hokey. I mean, I was hoping that she would say at least one thing\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6 just one thing\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6 that could identify Dan\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s cat, Dan\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s house, or anything really. Just anything that she couldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t have known. But we got nothing. She told us a bunch of junk that pretty much anyone could have made up. Man, if all it takes to be a kitty psychic is to be able to come up with creative stories for 90$ per hour, then sign me up! So, we were all hella disappointed by it all. And to top it all off, less than half an hour after it was all over\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6 the cat took a crap on the floor. Thanks kitty psychic.<\/p>\n

*v<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Last week I wrote about how Dan was going to have his kitty talked to by a kitty psychic. The appointment was scheduled for a Tuesday evening, and that night we sat there eagerly waiting to see what the hell would happen. Dan set up this crazy microphone contraption so that he could record the … Continue reading “The Cat Whisperer”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-726","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-san-francisco"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.thisisvlad.com\/werd\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/726","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.thisisvlad.com\/werd\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.thisisvlad.com\/werd\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.thisisvlad.com\/werd\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.thisisvlad.com\/werd\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=726"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/www.thisisvlad.com\/werd\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/726\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.thisisvlad.com\/werd\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=726"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.thisisvlad.com\/werd\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=726"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.thisisvlad.com\/werd\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=726"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}