so here’s the other problem w/ my friends having babies. i cant stand babies. no really. i am just so not down. they look really weird, like little alien creatures and are constantly projecting bodily fluids everywhere. unfortunately, this poses a huge problem when i go see people that have babies. see, there is no easy way (in fact no way at all) to tell someone that you find their kid gross. it just cant be done. no matter what, when dealing with parents you have to ogle their child like it’s god’s gift to mankind. and that’s really difficult for me to do. so, the parents show off their child to me and i pretend to be all excited about it and say how adorable it is blah blah blah… when really i just want to talk about anything else.
oh, and then, often they’ll try to get me to hold it. even after i tell them that i wont do it, they often try to insist and it takes a lot of persuasion on my part to get them to stop. the thing is, other than fear of being pooped on, spit on, or god knows what else, i’m also totally terrified of dropping the baby. i mean, shit, i drop stuff all the time… cups, phones, keys, whatever…. and luckily with all those things you can either buy a new one or just fix it. now, if i somehow managed to drop someone’s *baby*, somehow i dont think that it would go over very well. actually, i really wonder if that ever happens. i mean, people drop things. it’s a fact. people trip, fall, and drop things all the damn time. do people ever drop babies?? how often does this happen? would a baby survive this kind of disaster?
i dunno. i’m sure some day i’ll have one of my own, and i’ll finally understand what all the hype is about… but until then i’ll just have to keep smiling and keep my thoughts to myself.
I heard that I was dropped and that’s why I look this way.
But that was intentional, if everyone is crowded around watching you, I’m sure you wouldn’t drop the baby.
You should be glad ppl want you to hold their baby. If I ever have a baby, people will have to be very lucky to hold the thing. They’ll have to like, beg.
I never ask to hold babies for this reason.
Once ben here at work brought in his brand new baby and some chick that had been complaining all day of being sick had the nerve to touch the baby. I was so pissed! !! No one shall get near my baby (on that day when hell freezes over and I have one), hissssssss.
“i cant stand babies. no really. i am just so not down. they look really weird, like little alien creatures and are constantly projecting bodily fluids everywhere. unfortunately, this poses a huge problem when i go see people that have babies. see, there is no easy way (in fact no way at all) to tell someone that you find their kid gross.”
I can totally relate. I have felt the same ever since *I* was one myself… well, since I could walk and talk anyway. I’m not much a fan of kids either to be honest. I’m actually kind of afraid of them and have only found a very small handful of kids that were really cool.
I’ll never be a mom. Not interested in 9 months of hell with a parasite making me ill only to suffer at least another 18 years of it. More power to the people who procreate, it’s just not for me. Then again, many people shouldn’t procreate and do it anyway.
It sucks too because most people seem to frown upon people like myself who don’t want or feel comfortable with kids as though I am selfish and evil. A coworker would tell me frequently that I will change my mind about having kids and that I am selfish for not wanting to. How the hell is that selfish? I think it’s selfish to have kids so you can have something to love you and take care of you and be there for you when you get older as he would express to me. It’s wrong to have kids because it’s supposedly some social norm and obligation.
Okay, rant off before it gets even longer.
But yeah, it is a trip for sure to see your friends getting married and having kids. Fortunately, the kids factor is pretty non-existent in my life. I don’t see myself doing anything like that for a long time. I am too wrapped up in simply living life, having fun and trying to get where I want to be in life. I was even getting to the point where I could start looking into buying a house, too bad I got laid off.
yeah totally! you know.. you can dislike pretty much anything: types of food, models of cars, hair color, *anything*… but you tell people that you dislike babies and all of a sudden you’re some kind of evil freak! “what?! that cant be true! you can’t dislike BABIES!!.. no wait, maybe you must like *some* babies. i mean you MUST!” riiiiiight. and they just cant fathom how it would even be possible. oh. and then i get.. “but you’re such a *nice* person!” wtf? like a nice person has to love babies??
-v
Yeah, but if you admit you actually enjoy the music of Britney Spears and N’Sync, you become a target. “Ew! How could you like those no-talent fakes?!”
heh
Yeah, I’ll never understand the whole mandatory “I love babies” baby mentality. We’ve covered the not cute factor and even the projectile bodily fluids, but there’s also the “useless” factor… can’t communicate in anything less than an ear piercing wail, can’t be hungry at normal hours, instead has to keep you up all night wailing, can’t rationalize with them and apparently their dark forces compel one’s mentality to revert to that of a 2 year old and speak things such as “Ooo boo boo, idgy goo boo poo”. Then at the same time, it seems that likewise, we will never be understood by all of the pro-baby masses.
Ah well, at least I know I’ll always have your understanding. 🙂
“Yeah, but if you admit you actually enjoy the music of Britney Spears and N’Sync, you become a target. “Ew! How could you like those no-talent fakes?!”
Rereading that, it seems totally off the wall and out of context…
It was supposed to be just a general statement of the hypocrisy of people, but it didn’t turn out so good. heh