at a jewish wedding, there is supposed to be this wedding contract called a “ketubah”. it’s a very important official piece of paper that needs to be signed by several witnesses. sarah asked yan and i to learn how to spell our names in hebrew so that we could sign this ketubah.
of course, being the laggers that we are, we never really learned how to write our names until the actual day of the ceremony. on the way there, yan and i were frantically writing our names in hebrew over and over to memorize how to do it. yan even ended up writing his name on one of his fingers just in case he forgot.
we get to the wedding, and when it’s time to sign the ketubah, everyone gathers around to watch. it turns out that this thing isn’t signed by a ton of people. there were two ketubahs, and each needed to be signed by only 2 people. yikes!! now i was scared. i was one out of only two people to sign this thing?? what if i forgot how to spell my name?? what if i did it wrong? what if they asked me what the hell one of the letters i wrote was supposed to be? to make matters worse, the signing of this thing was heavily scrutinized. everyone was staring, people were photographing the actual signatures, and the rabbi, a stern looking woman, sat across the table from you when you signed. i started sweating bullets.
remarkably, i was able to remember how to write my name. i wrote it all down. letter by letter. then, when i was about to get up, the rabbi says “and then you have to write ‘ben’ and your father’s hebrew name”. WHAT??! oh crap! everyone is staring at me, and expecting me to write this, and i can’t spell in hebrew. i start fidgeting. i look around at the mob with pleading eyes… “get me out of here! i’m an imposter. dont kill me!!” the rabbi is starting to get impatient, and urges me to get on with it. what’s she gonna think when i tell her that i can’t write in hebrew? should i have even been allowed to sign this thing then?? am i in trouble? is the whole wedding contract forfeit?! i seriously wanted to jump out of my chair and run like hell. arrrggghhh!!
out of confusion, i stammer something about not being sure what my father’s hebrew name would be. they ask me what his name is in english, and as soon as i say it, i realize how stupid i must sound. his name is isaac. That *is* a hebrew name. so they tell me to write “ben itzhak” (son of isaac). and finally, i have to say that i have no idea how to write that, or anything else for that matter. that i only know how to spell my name, and even that not very well. *sigh*. after giving me a grouchy look, the rabbi writes the stuff down on a piece of paper, and i copy it into the ketubah.
man, i am so smooth.
*v
heh, I can only imagine how bad that must have felt 😉 was your friend mad that you hadn’t prepared?
no she wasn’t mad. it was partially her fault, really. she had only told me to learn my name. she hadn’t mentioned (probably cause she didnt know) that i would need to write my father’s name etc.
*v