Last week I wrote about how Dan was going to have his kitty talked to by a kitty psychic. The appointment was scheduled for a Tuesday evening, and that night we sat there eagerly waiting to see what the hell would happen. Dan set up this crazy microphone contraption so that he could record the whole thing on his laptop. Dan’s cat lazily lounged around in the living room, completely unaware that tonight it would be having its very first telephone conversation.
Eventually the psychic called. She asked Dan to describe his cat to her, and tell her what it looked like, how old it was, etc etc. now, you would think that a super powerful psychic would be able to figure this kind of stuff out on her own, but whatever. After discussing what issues the cat was having (it poops outside the box and also chews up all the electrical wires inside the house), the psychic said that we could now hang up the phone. She was going to contact the cat psychically and have a conversation with it. She would write down the conversation as it happened, and then call us back and tell us what was talked about. Wow. I don’t know what I thought would be more weird… if she talked with the cat on the phone, or if she just somehow communicated without a phone or anything.
So, we hung up the phone and waited. The cat ran around the house and played as it usually did. If it was having a conversation with someone, it sure didn’t show it. Meanwhile, somewhere in Oakland, the kitty psychic was probably frantically scribbling in her notepad… or who knows, maybe she was kicking back and watching Animal planet on TV while scarfing granola. This whole situation was just so absolutely ridiculous.
Finally, the phone rang. Kitty psychic was done with her conversation. So, apparently, when asked why she poops in the box, the cat replied that it was because she sometimes gets a cramp and has difficulty climbing in the box. Now, this is utterly bullshit. It’s not like this is some old unfit cat. This cat races around the house frantically at a billion miles per hour all day long. There’s no way this cat would have difficulty climbing a few inches into a cat box. The kitty psychic continued reading off her conversation with the cat.
Dude, it was so hysterically funny. Dan, Caryn and I desperately tried to keep from laughing like crazy during the whole thing. The psychic would describe the cat as giving her “surprised wide-eyed looks†and feeling bad for pooping in Dan’s house. Apparently the kitty was sorry for pooping outside the box and it promised that it would try to not do tit again. As for the wires, the cat claimed that it chews them because its teeth hurt it and it needs to chew on something. Well, the psychic told it that it shouldn’t chew the wires anymore and the cat said it would stop. The cat was then asked what it wanted from Dan, to which it said that it wants sunshine, fresh air, rides on shoulders, fresh water, and naps in laps.
And that was pretty much it. The psychic then discussed with Dan some options that he might look into like taking the cat to the vet etc. the whole thing was just so hokey. I mean, I was hoping that she would say at least one thing… just one thing… that could identify Dan’s cat, Dan’s house, or anything really. Just anything that she couldn’t have known. But we got nothing. She told us a bunch of junk that pretty much anyone could have made up. Man, if all it takes to be a kitty psychic is to be able to come up with creative stories for 90$ per hour, then sign me up! So, we were all hella disappointed by it all. And to top it all off, less than half an hour after it was all over… the cat took a crap on the floor. Thanks kitty psychic.
*v
Say it with me, in your most ethereal voice, “Ride on your shoulders… look out the window… fresh air… strong smelling treats… sleep in your lap… that’s all… play with my brother, that’s all… oh, fresh water, that’s all… that’s really all now.”
How disappointing.
dude, i need to record that as an mp3 and put it up!
totally! this was the biggest letdown. especially after reading so much good stuff online about this lady. lame.
dude, that’s awesome. and can’t you call her back and be like “um.. the cat just pooped on the floor again. i want my money back.”
dude, that’s waht i told dan to do!! he should have hella gotten a refund. but i think he was too afraid of angering the cat psychic..
man, i was totatlly expecting more from her!
Because if Dan pisses off the cat psychic, then the she would “have another conversation” with the cat and tell the cat to stop crapping on the floor and start crapping on his pillow.
I’d be scared of that shit too!!
yeah, if yoou look her up online “jeri ryan”, she’s supposed to be a total pro. she even teaches this stuff! and yes, she does have the same name as the actor on star trek.
yeah, last thing you want is a pooping cat on a mission of evil
Yer friend got ripped off Vlad. Going to a vet would probably have cost close to the same, but more than likely would have gotten real results. Sorry your friend lost all that money.
the thing is, he already had gotten to the vet and gotten as much help from the vet as possible. none of it worked. the psychic thing was really a desperate last resort!
I imagine they tried just about everything, but it wouldn’t hurt for your friends to read this web page. http://cats.about.com/cs/behavioralissues/a/outsidebox_one.htm
A lot of it makes sense to me.
If the url doesn’t post, that’s ok.
Basically though, a clean litter box, large enough box and in a private area seem to be key in the article.
yeah, he’s tried all of those. he’s changed the type of litter, the type of food, number of litter boxes, placement of litterboxes, etc etc. he really has tried it all 🙁
Wow, I don’t know what more they could do! They HAVE tried everything.
Hi- I am looking online for a resource to find my cat. She has been missing for 3-4 weeks now. I was working with a horse whisperer but he can only tell me where she has been, not where she is. Are you willing for share you psychics information so I could contact and see if she could find her for me? Please respond either way…Thanks!
sure, just do a search online…
In the wild, if a cat poops away from the den, it’s trying not to leave its scent because of preditors. It doesn’t want the preditors to know where it lives. When domesticated cats poop outside the box, it usually means they are feeling physically weak. I’ve had this happen with one of our cats. It had a developing heart enlargement condition. After he was medicated he returned to normal litterbox behavior. Years later, seemingly still healthy, he began to poop outside the box again. He died of heart failure a few weeks after that. Hope this helps and I don’t think it necessarily has to be as serious as my cat’s problem, just a feeling of physical weakness from any cause can result in this instinctive behavior.